I am...

A Warrior. A Daughter. A Sister. A Wife. Heartbroken. 

Our latest and final round of IUI (intrauterine insemination) has unfortunately failed, and although we are beyond bummed that this is the outcome we still have so much in life to be thankful for and are already formulating a plan for going forward. I say this with such ease...but in all reality it took me two days of sadness to get over the results and at times things will still trigger my emotions and the tears flow without control. 

I have always had the belief that everything happens for a reason, but since we started down this infertility journey I have really been struggling to see what the reason for this is...why us? While we have had so much heartbreak and sadness since we began trying almost two years ago, we have also gained a few things that I am only now beginning to feel and see. 

The biggest benefit from our infertility journey has been the effect it's had on our marriage. As husband and wife infertility can make you or break you, Darroch and I have chosen to grow closer together and strengthen our relationship as a couple over the past year. I feel so lucky to have found a man who can not only lift me up when I am down, but he puts me back together when I fall into pieces. Marriage takes work, you have to choose every day to love your partner and while some days are harder than others - we have decided to love harder and find joy in the life we have created together. Every day.

Along with our renewed relationship, I have also gained a whole new network of ladies through joining SeneGence and selling LipSense. I first started selling to help pay for our fertility treatments but the friendship I made with my upline Carissa has been an amazing bonus. She too is going through fertility treatments and while she lives a million miles away in Kansas City, the connection we have made is unreal and if we were neighbors we'd probably be best friends! Being able to call and talk to her, cry with her, and support each other has been huge, having someone who has been through what we've been through and understands has been a life saver.

The last thing I have come to realize is so important in sharing our infertility journey is to let those around me see and know that it is rough, but if you know me at all you know how positive I am in life and the key to moving forward after each failed cycle is to stay positive. I can't help but sit here unbelievably sad for our lives and what we have to go through just to have a baby, but I must remain positive. I know in my heart I will be a mother and Darroch will be a father! Looking on the bright side of life may sound cheesey but it gets me through the tough days, and helps us move on with the goal of growing our family. That innate positivity inside me has always been there, but I truly believe now that it was put there to help get us through our infertility battle. 

Infertility is a battle and I have become a stronger woman because of it. 

We want to be open with you about our journey but I hope you'll understand that some things take a little more time to process privately before we are ready share with you all. I don't want this to mean stop asking questions because that is not what I want. But do remember this is a sensitive subject for us, especially as we go forward with treatments. We will of course continue to update everyone as we go forward and share our journey with those around us when the timing is right...in other words please stop asking me if I've taken a pregnancy test :) once we are pregnant trust me, you will know soon enough! With almost two years of trying to conceive you better believe I've got multiple different announcement ideas already in the works!!

On that note...I'll save you the trouble of not knowing if it's ok to ask what's next for us and I will just tell you! My doctors have been saying from the beginning they would like me to lose some weight, and so we are going to take the month of September to focus on our health.  Now that we feel as though we have exhausted IUI the next course of treatment for us will be IVF. This is a big step and while we never imagined having to go through fertility treatments we are by no means ready to stop now.

We continue to hold onto hope, and have so much to be thankful for, including modern medicine for giving us another chance at having a baby. We are grateful for our new home which will house a baby one day soon. We are grateful for Darroch's job allowing me to take the summer off and we are grateful for each and every one of you who has reached and offered encouraging words. With your continued support, love, and prayers we know anything is possible 💓